Fourth of July: C&H Return!
by WorldsWorthWords
Summary: Calvin and Hobbes come up with an even bigger and better plan for their Independence Day Event! (Since the last one went just went SO well...) (One-shot.)


Calvin and Hobbes stand on a crowded sidewalk amidst a crowd of people. behind them on the street is a string of vibrant candy-colored red-white-and-blue floats.

Calvin: "Hello, Ladies and Germs, and welcome to another Calvin and Hobbes Fourth of July event! We're here at the Cleveland Independence Day Parade-"

Hobbes: "-Against my own personal better judgement, I might add. Calvin, aren't your parents making you spend the holiday at home in your room after you set off fireworks in the house at the _last '_Calvin and Hobbes Fourth of July Event'?

Calvin: "Aw, Hobbes, Dad's still trying to remember how to use the grill after another year and Mom's helping him against his will, we'll be back before they ever notice we left. Anyway, me and Hobbes are getting into the festivities by preparing our own float to join the parade!"

Calvin and Hobbes walk over into a nearby alley, where a cart has been splattered with patriotic colors and covered in knickknacks of American iconography.

Calvin: "Yes sir, we're almost finished and ready to enter the parade!"

Hobbes adds more tape to a crude miniature statue of liberty hanging off the side.

Hobbes: "Are you sure this is a good idea?"

Calvin hops up on the cart.

Calvin: "Of course it is! We're just participating in a parade to wow the populace with our incredible float! What could go wrong?"

Hobbes massages his temples.

Hobbes: "Please don't say that, Calvin."

Hobbes gets in the cart beside Calvin. Calvin reaches down with a stick and pushes away the rocks keeping the cart's wheels still. The cart slowly starts to roll forward.

Calvin: "At last! Ha ha! Soon the entire town will recognize my greatness when we utterly steal the parade with my spectacular float!"

Hobbes: "_Our _spectacular float."

Calvin: "Huh? Oh, yeah, whatever."

The cart rolls onto the sidewalk, bumping into pedestrians who didn't see it in time to get out of the way.

Calvin: "Coming through! Sorry! Look out! Float coming through!"

The cart nears the edge of the street. Calvin and Hobbes look at the floats proceeding down the street before them.

Calvin: "Oh, those poor, poor people. Little do they realize how utterly puny and pathetic they will look next to our float of magnificence."

The cart rolls onto the street… right into the path of an oncoming firetruck.

Hobbes: "AAAUUUUGH! STEER!"

Calvin wildly steers the cart into a sharp turn, going past the fire truck and right into a troop of little kids waving tiny flags. They scream and scatter as the cart veers down the street out of control.

Calvin: "This wasn't supposed to happen! Why's the parade moving so fast!?"

They swerve around a Colonial Era-style horse and carriage. The horse freaks out, rearing and running wild, overturning the carriage and sending several people in Colonial dress sprawling out.

Hobbes: "Sorry! Calvin, control this thing!"

Calvin: "Well if you wanna take a turn on the steering wheel we don't have be my guest!"

The cart races down the parade, disrupting floats and crashing into walkers and sending parade-watching bystanders running for the hills.

Hobbes: "What could go wrong, Calvin! What could possibly go wrong!?"

Calvin: "Shut up! At-At least Mom and Dad don't know we're here!"

* * *

Calvin's mom sits on the couch in the living while Calvin's dad, covered in soot, exits onto their porch.

Dad: "Okay, honey, I think I got it this time, the burgers 'n dogs will be ready any minute! Why don't you relax and watch some TV?"

Mom rolls her eyes.

Mom: "Okay, dear."

Dad exits.

Mom: "…do you think we're being too harsh, dear? Making him spend the whole holiday in his room?"

Dad sticks his head back through the door.

Dad: "After what he did last year? We're probably not being harsh _enough_. He can come down when we eat, he'll be fine."

Mom: "You're right. I just hope he learned his lesson."

Dad disappears outside again. Mom reaches for the remote and turns on the TV.

TV announcer: _"…in other news, we are now receiving live footage of the Fourth of July parade in chaos! Apparently, some maniac in a homemade float is wreaking havoc and disrupting the entire procession in an unprecedented parade catastrophe! Here's the footage as we receive it, let's see if we can get a good look at the psycho causing all this trouble._

Mom and stares at the TV, mouth open, eyes wide.

Mom: "…dear? Dear! DEAR!

Dad comes running back in.

Dad: "What is it, honey, what-"

Dad sees the TV too. Soon he realizes what he's looking at.

Dad: "…CAAAAAAAAALLLVVIIIIIIIINNNNNNN!"


End file.
